Release your creative...

Creativity. What is it? Many say ‘I’m just not creative’. I don’t believe you. I believe that every single one of us are creatives…in some way or another. Some create fabulous food, some create beautiful homes and some create fabulous art. I spent a very long time resisting to let my creative side show, since I have, i’ve truly come alive. I believe that it is equal to exercise, however, it releases energy form your soul. I may be talking nonsense but this is sincerely my opinion. RELEASE YOUR CREATIVE YOU! You may just surprise yourself… :)

Hidden...

To feel that the inner you that you want to express is trapped inside you is a frustrating feeling. This post is a little me, me, but I guess as it's my blog that's allowed! And I figure if I feel this way then there must be others?! Others??

To feel trapped within a body that you are so disattached to is a sad thing. Yes I'm very aware that moving more and eating less = a slimmer body, which should = a happier me. But. 

Try having a body that no matter what you try barely changes your mind about yourself. I don't want sympathy. I don't want an 'ahhh'. I don't even expect a moment of anyone's precious time advising me on my alternative options. Quite frankly I'd just like to like me. I'm a curvy lady and although in my mind  I don't even mind being curvy but I do mind the hidden expression that I long to reveal. I'm a creative. I think, imagine, envisage and adore. Fashion scares me and I avoid high street and pretend what I own is me.

HOWEVER 

Fashion isn't just about the designers, the stores, the buyers. Fashion is a way of defining YOUR brand. Not as a business or a product. As you. As me. What the hell was I thinking ignoring this amazing gift given to us by the creatives of another mother! I need to wear my own brand on the outside. From the cup I choose to drink my tea to the covers on my bed these are choices that reflect me. Why don't I wear the clothes that reflect me?! I know the answer to this is because I'm a visualiser. I visualise the way I look and what says me. The reality is I can't ever fit that vision as a curvy girl. The only way I can move forward and stop hiding the inner me that is so desperate to get out, is to change my vision. Until perhaps I fit that vision! It's sad to hide and not express yourself isn't it?! 

That's my weekend sorted, shops here I come!! :) 

My meaningless mind on a Monday...just!

Questionable world issues... (in the world of my strange and very frustrated mind)

1. What do people actually mean when they say 'you'll know'. How? When? Someone tell me!

2. Self obsessed people. Get over yourselves.

3. Fat person advising fat person (me) on how to not be a fat person. Hmmmm

4. Wine. Damn you being so wonderful and easy drinking. Weekends only now holidays over but dam you lovely little shiraz I know you're waiting!

5. Meanies. Young or old. Why? Be nice - it's free. Don't be mean - it hurts.

6. Ready made pastry. Yes you're easy to use but I need about 10 of you to make one pie. Dammit, I need to learn how to bake...

7. Estate agents. Not all may I add. I want to move soon so can you pretty please stop over pricing everything now.

8. Hair. Bad hair everyday me. When I was young my favourite thing about me was my hair. I'd style it, treat it, curl it. Now i'm not sure what to think - It's definitely in my top 3 least interesting tasks of my day.

9. Insurance. You don't want insurance. You NEED it. Coming home to a leak in the ceiling feet away from my mac and camera kit nearly finished me off!

10. Hanger. This is something i've discovered since starting the 5:2 'life long eating plan' (not diet if any of my friends and anti diet family are reading!). I'm not sure which comes first the hunger or the anger? I'm guessing the anger comes from the hunger...but then again anger can make hunger...who knows! All I know is even I can go without food for 24, I just seem to spend a lot if it on my own!

Summer Holiday in Cotswolds and Wales!

Ok. I never thought i'd be so trilled to spend a week in the Welsh countryside. Myself JC and the 2 small people in my life packed up the car, including the dog and set of on a little adventure for a rare week off work together. Teenage son was happier to stay behind when the threat of miles of walking and no wifi was mentioned. This is a sad fact and I missed him lots but he really wouldn't have got the same enjoyment out of welly walks and bird bingo as the so smaller people in out life. Nannies it was. So. Off we went.

We set off 'upwards' it wasn't long until our first stop in the Cotswolds, we had a lovely lunch in Gloucester City, had a walk around the Cathedral listening to the sound of choir practise coming form an open window as we stopped to appreciate the grand building that stood before us.

We stayed overnight in a traditional Inn with exposed beams open fireplaces and the smiling faces of the local people each with a dog sat beside them. I loved how Peppa could come along with us wherever we went and it was 'normal', in fact it seemed more strange having the children then the dog!

We had a wonderful meal, home cooked and super tasty. The children discovered they loved pistachios so we ordered the pistachio cake with chocolate dipped cherries and vanilla ice cream....YUM!
We had a lovely hilly stroll around the surrounding lanes, absorbing views that went on for miles and admiring the beautiful stone cottages that have made me crave a country life very badly.

The next morning we set off to Wales, we headed straight through Herefordshire and eventually found ourselves a few hours later a the gorgeous barn conversion that would be our home for the next 5 days. It was perfect. From the endless views to the Laura Ashley style bedroom. I could definitely get used to this! No phone signal, no wifi, a tower of bored games and 7 acres of private fields with a lake to explore outside the door. Heaven.

We had days out, everyday to a different place. I quickly became passenger and gave up my overwhelming urge to be in the drivers seat. I'm not good with edges and North Wales seems to have some pretty horrendous spectacular ones. JC did well and about day 3 realised my fear was truly in need of support and quickly learned to take the corners slowly and say look away in advance of any sheer drops, which may I add always seemed to be on my side! I will post a few separate posts about the individual days out as they were all day long and i'd like to share some of the pictures i've taken of them.

On the last day we decided we didn't fancy coming home just yet so headed over to the West coast and drove down stopping at Aberystwyth. Such a pretty little town. We headed down to Pembrokeshire and had an overnight stay at Pembroke Dock followed by a day in Tenby which was beautiful! The sun shone, then it rained then the sun shone again! We then had to head home... :( Slight holiday blues but i'm looking forward to seeing my other boy and if we had stayed a day longer we' be in real trouble. Something had broken in the water tank in the roof and we were greeted with water poring through the ceiling in 2 of the bedrooms, thankfully the damage isn't too bad and hopefully will be easy enough to sort :/ A day longer and we'd be in real trouble!

Anyway, I have hundreds of pictures so i'll be sure to post some soon.

Bye for now :)

Farewell friend...

Dear Claudia,

So Sunday afternoon I gave away my best friend. I collected together her things and took her to her new home. She was sweet and gentle on the way even though the journey was scary and confusing. She trusted me that no matter where we were going I would still take care of her. When we arrived she walked away from me, interested in the newness of it all. Barely looking back to check I was still there as she just presumed I would be.

When she did look back I was gone. 

Not because I didn't love her anymore but because I want what is best for her. I walked away head held high thinking all the positive things I could to make myself feel better about the decision I had just made. I drove and drove and drove. Not knowing where or when I would stop. I did stop finally. I sat and I cried and felt sorry for myself, which felt so selfish as I was the one that made this decision. 

I know that she will be happy and have all the attention that she deserves. Right now I've had to make some time in my life so hopefully I can make my future brighter. One day you will be by my side again I promise. I really hope you can forgive me. 

Claudia, I wish you the best always. Please forgive me and have lots of fun. 

X

Bed bound...

So the last two days have found me bed bound. An extremely infected insect bite which the nurse assured me wasn't infected a few days ago has taken over my arm. When I say taken over I literally mean it...my right arm is double the size from wrist to shoulder and not looking good at all. I went against said nurses advice of just leave it, it may take a couple of weeks to get better when I thought the pressure from the costricted blood flow may have a negative affect on my health. Thankfully the doctor I saw gave me super strong antibiotics and advised holding it above my heart until it started to reduce the swelling was the first option failing thank hospital for intravenous. Thank you Dr. It is still super sore but is not getting bigger and the pressure has reduced.

Day 2 in bed. I'm not one for rest and I can 'never' nap in the day no matter how hard I try. However am shocked how much I have slept yesterday. All day. And night. I'm stocked up on sleep now and extremely restless today... Luckily I'm left handed and managed to make a cup of tea and some toast as Mr C has gone away on business. My parents are saints and are taking care of the little people for me. One bonus I guess is my pills have to be taken on an empty stomach so maybe I'll shift a few pounds! 

Sadly I had to cancel a newborn shoot today, I'd been really looking forward to meeting baby Poppie. Never mind we will reschedule as soon as my balloon arm goes down! 

I'm also in the middle of sending out wedding contracts - sorry to those waiting, I'll be back at my desk asap! 

Enough of the negatives, I'm going to use today as a thinking day, I have so much in my life to be thankful for and stopping for some time to appreciate that can't be a bad thing.

I hope everyone is having a good week. :) 

Love life.... :)

It's not until the last few months of my whole 33 years on this planet that I finally feel content and grounded about my life.
I'm not saying things are perfect, what is. But for me it's been a journey of ups and downs and a constant feeling of not having a purpose or prospect in terms of a career.

I've never been one to say  'this is what I want to be' in fact I rebelled against this. I'm not a conformist and in a world where people are judged on there professional status and academic achievments I was in fact failing miserably.

The funny thing is as soon as I stopped listening to society and what I 'should' do with my life my heart told me without even realising. I'm a creative. Love me or hate me this is in my blood. Sadly i'm a rebel too and even when I was creating the best art work at school and predicted A* if I took it further I choose to go the other route. Why? Who knows....perhaps to follow the path that makes me question things a little more than some, maybe to have struggled trying to find myself has enabled me to know when I finally did...

This may all be blah, blah, blah and probably is to most, but to me, in my weird and wonderful mind it all makes sense.

I have discovered photography and i'm still creating wedding flowers and bouquets for lovely people and i'm incredibly grateful for that opportunity but my camera. Well. I will never be without it again. It means I can share the visions in my mind and not recreate what is in yours.  I can see MY vision in black and white {or colour} and I fell so satisfied. I have begun to share some of my images and the feedback i've had has been overwhelming. :) Friends, colleagues, family and other photographers that are successful and I admire are openly encouraging me and my passion. I am so unbelievably great full.

I have resisted the urge to be good at something forever, I believe for me this is my defence mechanism as if I don't try I can't fail. I give up negativity towards me. I'm going for it!

Unfortunately there will always be some people that long for others to fail. This happens in all walks of life. This is sad and such a pity. Imagine how amazing this world would be if we all just supported each other a little more. Never mind, no time for negativity in my life, i'm surrounding myself with people that I admire and inspire me. :)

For the first time ever I feel i've found me - I am finding my style and i've a long way to go, but for now I'm in a little bubble, happy, content. Bookings are flooding in for both Floristry and Photography. It's happening so quickly I can't wait to see what the future holds! :)

In true Sam style I always want more so I have another little creative venture up my sleeve too so watch this space! ;)

"The path may be long, but don't give up it WILL be worth it"