Bloggers block....

Ok I vowed to begin a blog, to continue writing it, regardless of how inspiring it would be. Then I stopped. 

Dammit.

It's a complete example of me, and how I can be so passionate about something one moment and really not bothered days, weeks or months later...I have been thinking about this and I've decided to try again. 

It's my nature to think I've failed before I've started so it's probably the main reason I give up prematurely on most things before really giving it my all. So today I don't promise to write daily or weekly or at any particular time. I don't promise to entertain or inspire you. However I do promise that I'm going to be 100% me. And 'me' is unpredictable, erratic and almost always unreliable. So why not start again as I mean to go on! 

Until later - possibly next week, next month, next year or in an hour. I'm taking this blogging thing one step at a time! Keep smiling!

I hate cake....

Today I have decided to start a new journey. Not the exact journey i'd really like to. It's not a long haul trip to a white sand destination or an exciting trip to a busy capital city with my flexible friend...no. 

 I'm going to become the fittest me I can be. This is a big deal and is very overdue! 

 I have been running regularly recently but it hasn't had the results I hoped for. I'm definitely much fitter and stronger, however this isn't reflected on the outside and quite frankly I'd like it to. 

So from now onwards I'm commiting this blog to this journey.  I will blog about me given myself a beasting. I mean business. And right now I wouldn't mess with me! ;) 

The starting pictures are not going to be pretty and I promise to save the flesh shorts till there's some progress! 

I'm not drunk or drugged and I can't promise the inner beyonce isn't going to make an appearance on a night out, but I have realised that the longer I'm not the person I want to be is a total waste of myself. Also right now I'd quite like to occupy my mind on getting sweaty and a fitness freak then deal with the grown up shite that apparently as grown up I have to. ;) 

The master plan is to continue running and start on the weights asap. Any advice or general comments greatly appreciated! 

To be honest it's not all about me, for me it's also about 3 beautiful little people I somehow created. I hope that I can inspire them to acheive anything they set their minds to. Even if it's the near impossible! (I'm very aware this is 99% impossible, 1% possible!) but I'll work my hardest to be the best 1% I can be!! 

And whilst I'm being honest I lied in the title....I'm wondering if that may be a contributing factor to the problem.😁☺️

Let the arse kicking begin!!

Tenacious Tuesday...

The blog continues...

I have to learn to play my guitar. When I bought it around 4 years ago. I was so sure the lessons I had aged 10 would have carried me through. Sadly not. However I have to play, lessons need to be booked.

My work life needs a kick up the butt. I'm doing something I don't love whilst putting something I love on hold. Life waits for no one and whilst I think it will happen at some point it's never going to if I don't kick start it. The ball is rolling...eeekkkkk!

Inspiration - I look constantly at others. Couples, beautiful women I wish I was. Successful business women, the thin girl out running that makes me push myself that final mile with just a hope of being like her. Everyone around - me, you, us, are inspirations. Each with our own unique talent or quality. Even if it's not apparent at first. It's easy to forget that others may occasionally look to you as you do them...be inspirational.

Sometimes it's easy to forget to listen. Hearing and listening are two very different things. I hope I'm a good listener but I usually get interrupted by the sound of my own voice...damn the chatty side of me.  Although I can be very insecure and shy a lot of the time. This is when I listen. I listen to everything, then worry a lot about that person. And think a lot about everything I could have said but didn't. Damn you shy side!

Step out. I tonight enjoyed my photography class. I've met some wicked people and I love how we all started completely exposed to something we love but know little about. It's so refreshing to meet like minded people with similar goals that aren't afraid of strangers! I surprise my shy self. A lot of the time. (I'm wondering if I'm shy after all!!?)

Friends. My beautiful group of besties from school are all getting together on a posh night out this weekend. I can't wait. This also means I have to dress up as a girl...just to clarify I'm 100% girl but I may wear something pretty and spend some time on my hair and makeup and not just sort it in the car in the way! I can't wait, it's going to fab. 😊

Happy Tuesday.😚

Ten on a Tuesday....

1. Hope....I had this word permenantly inscripted on my arm so I'm thinking it's pretty high up in my thoughts. Without it what is there? People looking forward to nothing? HOPE is a magic word and it's exactly what everybody needs to keep going for what they believe in.

2. Love....again permanently inked on me. (You may see a theme!) love is something that you can't see, you can only feel. Personally I compare it to magic, but real magic. It's like a magnetic force between two people/things (or strangely even objects...if you've seen the programme you'll get me!). Its underrated and sadly rejected by some. It's one thing no one can take away from you. No matter what happens.

3.Faith....yep on the arm! Hands up I'm not religious and I think many people think this word only refers to some kind godly figure. For me it's simple. If you have faith in yourself you can do anything. If you transfer that faith into others the rewards are amazing. Try it! 

4.Dolphin....just kidding, that's just a stupid tattoo I had when I was a child. (Were there no age limits then!?)

5. Coffee....I love you. I have faith that my nespresso will produce the delicious coffee that I hope for. See what I did there ;) 

6.Strangers.....take them or leave them. Personally I think strangers are amazing. Obviously not the weird ones hanging around outside school gates. But the general strangers. The everyday people doing all the regular stuff you're doing. We all go around ignoring each other like we don't exist, we are the same! You don't turn a herd of horses out and they all look the other way, you don't walk the dog and they ignore every other canine they meet. Why is it that we are so ignorant of others? Maybe I'm crazy but I try and talk to strangers whenever the moments right (let's be clear I don't just rock up to a random clearly enjoying their costa and start chatting!) I just think we should talk more. What's the harm.

7.Perseverance..... Often in life you, me, them will be thrown a curve ball. Persever and take one day at a time and someday the pain will become less. The fog will begin to lift and the sun will shine again. It takes time.

8. Blogs....why??!

9.Photography....I'm new to it but I love it. I've started the next stage of my photography course and the ideas are literally bubbling out of my very small mind. I may need to shut them up. Probably with wine! ;)

10.Wine....I love you. I don't care what anyone says. Wine is the best medicine for life. I'm not talking about getting wrecked daily! But just a glass at the end of the day is sometimes the difference between sitting, chilling and persuading ones self it'll all be ok. Compared to no wine, and getting ones keys and walking, walking, walking. In a forest gump style - just slower!

 Cheers!!! :)

 

Simple Sam......

I complicate things, thats me. I always want more, not tomorrow not next week but today. Now. In a minute.

The chances are i will make whatever it is happen if it is even remotely possible, but just sometimes this is not a possibility....give it a day or two and i'll be moving onto the next want and have to have. And probably realise what a stupid idea I had a couple of days ago.

Shallow, yes. Selfish possibly, Determined - Definitely.

Just to clarify I'm not just talking about material possessions. I'm talking about moments. You know the free ones that may only last a brief moment but stay with you for a lifetime.

So.....here I am just waiting for life to begin, then I give myself the biggest kick up the arse I can and remind myself this is it. This is the real thing and whatever time I spend dwelling on what I would do, or could do, i'm missing these magic moments that are happening right now. Tonights is a gorgeous glass of red wine. ;-) this counts right?!

Deep, deep down somewhere i'm an explorer and I want to experience EVERYTHING that is physically possible unless it involves being on the edge of something very high. This means any opportunity to do something that puts a smile on mine or others faces then - i'm in.

Honestly I've had this conversation so many times, I am that person but talking about it proves nothing. It's time to make stuff happen....

I'm sure i'll still feel as enthusiastic tomorrow!


These are a few of my favourites pics from our last minute trip to the beach yesterday. We had chips with sand, swimming in clothes and absolutely no idea how I got there or how to get home. BUT, we had the best day. Stayed for dinner and sunset and then went home the long way. :-)

Gratitude Tuesday...or something like that! :)

Last night I thought I had an epiphany...it was the kind that says tomorrow is a bad day. 

I know this was kind of true because it was my first day back at work after a wonderful 2 weeks off! Don't get me wrong I'm grateful for time off with the kids but you need a small loan just before! The time off has been fabulous but unfortunately short. Too short. :( If you're the 'stay up to avoid work type' then you'll know exactly how I'm feeling. I'm not saying I'm not looking forward to seeing some of my lovely colleagues. I've obviously not seen them for 2 weeks but, I'd probably happily not see them for another day, maybe week or if even a month. However I can happily say now the night is coming to an end (the wine is gone), and i'm reflecting on the days and weeks gone by. I've had some fantastic days. Including some lovely pony rides and unforgetable times with my best fiends and beautiful children, I'll be honest and say that I had written this post out previously but it was lost in a stupid battery issue. I thought I could rewrite it but the other post was far more tonque in cheek and sarcastic. This I think is maybe now a slightly more serious and grown up post which is unlike me but I'll just go with it! In conclusion to my annual leave; it's been fab, not amazing, not life changing and not very inspiring but I have treasured memories of my small people to hold on to for a life time. I'm also very aware that, for some this evening it may be a final goodbye, a welcome without hope, a day of remembrance or a day of regret. Thinking about the untold stories of strangers that you pass on the street, smile at in the supermarket or thank for waiting as you pass them on a narrow lane. They capture me. And I hope that they are half as happy as I am. So I'm aware that for me I'm so unbelievably lucky that there is little sorrow behind my eyes, no hidden despair. I'm grateful for the fantastic life I have and embrace what is to come. 

I guess some would consider a boring day at work an exciting prospect. I never go to bed early and try to put off the next day for just a bit more. That's just me, so tonight I'm very aware that whilst wishing I didn't have a boring day at work tomorrow - with not much to report when I get home, many are wishing for exactly that. 

Step outside

I'm sat here looking at this and that, thinking when I'm slimmer I'd wear that, when my hair's longer i'd  style it like that, when my face is more radiant I'd wear more makeup...

It dawned on me that I've been using those phrases for about 10 years! So it made me question why I'm not just wearing what I like and styling myself the way I feel I want to?

I think the answer may be that, as long as I don't stand out I assume no one will notice that I'm wearing boring old clothes that do nothing for me. And not giving myself the time to put on a bit of lippy. Well this is ok but if one of my boring just popping out occasions turns into a last minute properly going out occasion! I then feel terrible, not myself and basically withdraw my whole personality.

I need to step out of this pathetic hiding and be ME! I am slightly alternative inside, I like to rebel against the current fashion and quirky is one of my favourite styles. Where have I gone??

I've been in hiding, hoping the world and life will wait for me to get a grip on who I am. This is nonsense and time waits for no one. TODAY I go through my wardrode and get rid of all this crap that makes me feel like a nobody and start dressing like a somebody...ME! :)

Now bear with me this process may be slightly slower than I'd like it to be. I'm meant to be in fifteen places today and similar tomorrow and so on. But I will start the ball rolling. And today I will wear nice shoes (I have hundreds) and lipstick. This is not a vanity session but a stepping outside of my current comfortable hiding zone and saying hello world, hello strangers, friends, colleagues. This is me at my 'current' best and I'm unique. 

Maybe give it a go...be noticed - you're beautiful!