Gratitude Tuesday...or something like that! :)

Last night I thought I had an epiphany...it was the kind that says tomorrow is a bad day. 

I know this was kind of true because it was my first day back at work after a wonderful 2 weeks off! Don't get me wrong I'm grateful for time off with the kids but you need a small loan just before! The time off has been fabulous but unfortunately short. Too short. :( If you're the 'stay up to avoid work type' then you'll know exactly how I'm feeling. I'm not saying I'm not looking forward to seeing some of my lovely colleagues. I've obviously not seen them for 2 weeks but, I'd probably happily not see them for another day, maybe week or if even a month. However I can happily say now the night is coming to an end (the wine is gone), and i'm reflecting on the days and weeks gone by. I've had some fantastic days. Including some lovely pony rides and unforgetable times with my best fiends and beautiful children, I'll be honest and say that I had written this post out previously but it was lost in a stupid battery issue. I thought I could rewrite it but the other post was far more tonque in cheek and sarcastic. This I think is maybe now a slightly more serious and grown up post which is unlike me but I'll just go with it! In conclusion to my annual leave; it's been fab, not amazing, not life changing and not very inspiring but I have treasured memories of my small people to hold on to for a life time. I'm also very aware that, for some this evening it may be a final goodbye, a welcome without hope, a day of remembrance or a day of regret. Thinking about the untold stories of strangers that you pass on the street, smile at in the supermarket or thank for waiting as you pass them on a narrow lane. They capture me. And I hope that they are half as happy as I am. So I'm aware that for me I'm so unbelievably lucky that there is little sorrow behind my eyes, no hidden despair. I'm grateful for the fantastic life I have and embrace what is to come. 

I guess some would consider a boring day at work an exciting prospect. I never go to bed early and try to put off the next day for just a bit more. That's just me, so tonight I'm very aware that whilst wishing I didn't have a boring day at work tomorrow - with not much to report when I get home, many are wishing for exactly that. 

Step outside

I'm sat here looking at this and that, thinking when I'm slimmer I'd wear that, when my hair's longer i'd  style it like that, when my face is more radiant I'd wear more makeup...

It dawned on me that I've been using those phrases for about 10 years! So it made me question why I'm not just wearing what I like and styling myself the way I feel I want to?

I think the answer may be that, as long as I don't stand out I assume no one will notice that I'm wearing boring old clothes that do nothing for me. And not giving myself the time to put on a bit of lippy. Well this is ok but if one of my boring just popping out occasions turns into a last minute properly going out occasion! I then feel terrible, not myself and basically withdraw my whole personality.

I need to step out of this pathetic hiding and be ME! I am slightly alternative inside, I like to rebel against the current fashion and quirky is one of my favourite styles. Where have I gone??

I've been in hiding, hoping the world and life will wait for me to get a grip on who I am. This is nonsense and time waits for no one. TODAY I go through my wardrode and get rid of all this crap that makes me feel like a nobody and start dressing like a somebody...ME! :)

Now bear with me this process may be slightly slower than I'd like it to be. I'm meant to be in fifteen places today and similar tomorrow and so on. But I will start the ball rolling. And today I will wear nice shoes (I have hundreds) and lipstick. This is not a vanity session but a stepping outside of my current comfortable hiding zone and saying hello world, hello strangers, friends, colleagues. This is me at my 'current' best and I'm unique. 

Maybe give it a go...be noticed - you're beautiful!